so de-sensitived

i don't even know if sensitized is a word, i don't care. how many times do you let you heart be hurt before you just give up. i keep asking what is wrong with me? why don't i deserve happiness. it always seems to elude me. i tried my hardest not to let bryce's death let me get hard, but i failed. i try to be such a positive person, my glass is always half full. it's not, the freaking glass it empty, bone freaking dry. i give up, my towel is thrown in. for some reason God likes to give me fast hard blows, he's struck for the last time. i no longer have faith, or any desire too.