6 months

tomorrow will be the 6 month anniversary of bryce's passing. i still have a have a hard time saying that he's dead. time has not made it easy or better. i don't know if i'm not taking the right steps or thinking the right thoughts. i tought i was, but i'm so sad and sick to my stomach it's killing me. everyday i find it harder and harder to put on a happy face for laine and brycer. i let them see me cry and let them know why. i want them to know it's ok to be sad and cry. how can God put ppl thru this? i've tried to keep my faith, but i think i given up. it hasn't brought me any comfort or peace. as i sit here crying my eyes out i struggle to understand why. how much pain does a person have to endure in a lifetime? i must have really f*cked up in my previous lives. i don't want this life, i want to wake up from this nightmare. i want my freaking family back!!!

on another note i've decieded to move to PA when my lease is up in january. my sister is there and i've come to realize the importance of my family the older i get.

back to reality

so i'm back home in indiana. i'm missing florida terribly. at least the weather here is good. i haven't really felt like writing lately. i've got some massive issues/feelings to deal with and i'm still trying to think of a productive way to get them out. i don't know who all reads this and i don't want to step on anyone else's toes. i've already lost one friend over this. it's all suppose to be water under the bridge but since i'm alone and i don't have a "mate" to confide in it's kinda hard just posting without consulting. i think i've gotten pretty good at it but being away from here for awhile shyed me back up. once i'm home and back in a routine i'm sure the words will flow. but for now i've got some new music, let me know what ya think.