Wednesday, October 16, 2013
As time goes on....
The pain someone feels when they go through something like death are not easily put into words. It is unique to each individual person and everyone has process it in their own way. It is all a struggle and I think for the most part people find themselves again and resume their somewhat normal lives. This is not true for all though, some get so low and lost and they let it consume them. They never crawl back out of the hole they dug and they usually try to bring other's down to their level. They are over taken by guilt of how badly they treated the person, and think they can some how vindicate themselves. This is not true and sadly leaves a trail of devastation bigger and more widespread than the actual death. Learning to cope with this on top of everything else is turning out to be an even greater struggle than I could have ever imagined...so begins my new blog topic...
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We all do things we regret in regards to those we love. We do that to those we love the most, and although it's unfortunate, it's life. I can think of tons of times I said things to my mom that I certainly didn't mean. Even when she was sick, I was so angry. I was angry at her for being sick, I was angry at God for allowing my hero, my rock to be sick...I was angry of the fear that she was going to abandon me, just as our dad had. Through all this, I knew that none of this was in her control, and my actions appeared to be something I couldn't control either. It's been 6.5 yrs, and some days feel like it just happened yesterday. But time still moves on, as hard as it may be. You have to remember that you're still here on this Earth for a reason. Amanda, you have so much to give. Ken, Carol, and I were just talking the other day about what an amazing job you have done w/ your kids. That can't be said for so many mothers, and you have to commend yourself for that. Some people can't function on their own. They're too weak to live their life alone, but you have shown that you can do this, and you've done it to the best of your ability. Look in the mirror and see the strong woman you are, and the strong mother that your kids treasure every day. Although we don't see you often, please know that we think the world of you. I love that you've created this blog, b/c it's a great way to work on healing. I need to do this, too. 2014 is going to be a great year for you, and for all of us I hope. We love you!
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