everyday brings a new set of emotions, some good, some bad. yesterday was a rather rough day. i don't know what it is about wednesdays, they usually get my emotions flowing. one minute i'm sad and crying a river then i'm po'ed and cussing bryce for leaving me. now i know he didn't leave me, but that is how i feel. he would have never choose the path that was taken. i'm sitting here looking at our last family picture taken in sept. at his cousin erin's wedding. we were all "done up" and it makes me so happy. there aren't many pictures of all of us together. for those of you who know me you know i always have my camera so i can snap pictures of the kids, but there are hardly any of me and him. so a note to all you parents our there, take lots of family pic!!
back to the process.....like i said yesterday was rough, every little thing made me cry. of course i'm sure that the fact that i have 2 sick kids that aren't sleeping good isn't helping. when they don't sleep, i don't sleep. sleep is already an issue for me since he passed. i have such a hard time falling asleep, my mind just doesn't stop thinking about my situation. i feel like as soon as i get to sleep the kids are waking up. i think i'm depressed. i thought i was just sad, but i feel like i'm moving backwards instead of forwards with my emotions. things should be getting easier, we are getting on a schedule and things are falling into place, but they aren't. it's getting harder and harder for me to get out of bed in the morning, then when i do i move to the couch and lay there. i'm in counseling and medicated, what is my freaking problem? i'm not really feeling this today so i think i'll wrap it up. maybe i'll feel like writing more later.
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